Andrea -

Today I received the completely unexpected news that a dear friend had died suddenly at the age of 45, in his sleep, from a massive heart attack.

I got to know Ross through his partner Karen who was on the same course as me at a training agency fourteen years ago. Ross and Karen were the most loving and supportive of friends. It was they who came to court with me to support me when I was going through a nasty divorce.

It was Ross who ferried myself and my children to and from the family gatherings they invited us to. One Christmas he came out in deep snow to ensure we all joined in the fun. Several times he provided the transport from stations and airports for friends and family to visit me. Which was good in more ways than one as it gave them a chance to meet him too.

He was the kindest of men; with rock-star looks and the most outgoing and engaging of personalities. Ross didn't just walk to places, he bounced there.

I once said that I felt I wouldn't want to know anyone who disliked him. It's difficult to envisage the type of person that could. He had a very good singing voice and was kind enough to record two songs I co-wrote - what a thrill that gave me to hear the words I had written sung so well.

We lost touch a little in recent years, during which time I gained a degree and Ross went just a bit further and gained a doctorate - a tremendous achievement. He never did things by halves; bullied as a child he took up a martial art to defend himself and became a black belt.

He was so full of life that the close friend who told me of his death said that he spent hours thinking "How could he do that - how unlike him."

It was, but the truth is that he has gone, though it is desperately hard to comprehend.

Ross, we will all miss you so much.

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Andrea -

Ross's funeral took place last Thursday, August 23rd, in bright sunshine. Like the man himself, it was an unusual and memorable service, the crematorium full to overflowing with friends and family.

Ross was borne in to the strains of Eric Clapton's Tears In Heaven, and the vicar read the opening prayers over this. Karen chose this as it had run constantly through her mind since his death.

Following the prayers there was no standard eulogy by the vicar detailing Ross's life and achievements. Instead the vicar read a long tribute written by Karen which gave a real flavour of the very special person that he was.

Karen told of his kind, compassionate and gentle nature. Of how he insisted on burying their pets (they had no children) wrapped in warm towels as he could not bear to place them unprotected in the cold earth.

She remembered the time on holiday when he nearly hurt himself jumping across a stream carrying their dog because he hated the thought of the dog getting wet.

She mentioned his lifelong fascination with space, rocket science and time travel, and all the long emails to NASA that sadly went unanswered.

There was his love of period costume and dressing up - Karen often speculated he had been born in the wrong time. With his beautiful long wavy hair he made a great Cavalier. Karen was once a theatrical costumier - and a brilliant one at that - so this fantasy was fully indulged. There are some great photos to remember him by.

He held a doctorate in visual arts, but his day job was as a school bus driver, and the children adored him. One smitten six-year-old insisted on calling him her boyfriend, despite the fact that the vacancy had been permanently filled.

There was also a very moving account of Ross's last act of kindness. Going for a walk on the last evening of his life he came across a small frog in the road, stranded and unable to hop up a steep kerb.

Rather than pick the frog up and risk the shock of this move killing it, he spent long minutes coaxing the frog to crawl onto his hand before gently carrying it to a place of safety. This simple act was so typical of him.

Instead of a hymn (we were probably all too choked to sing, anyway) there was the Scorpions song Here In My Heart, and after the Our Father and the final prayers, we left to the strains of another Scorpions song, Wind of Change, a favourite of his.

There was a collection at the service that raised £500 ($1,000) which is to be used to set up a music award for primary (elementary) school children, combining his love of music with his love of children.

No words I ever write could possibly do him justice, but I hope that in reading this you feel that you at least know something of this wonderful person who fate granted us the privilege of knowing.

His great friend Trev is setting up a dedicated website in his memory.

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Trev -

It was the afternoon of 15th August 2007. Ross was at my house drinking me out of coffee. He had been doing that on a regular basis for years.

I had answered the door a few hours earlier, joking that I hoped it wasn’t “…bloody Jehovah’s Witnesses.” This sparked a conversation about religion in general. He went off ‘on a tangent’.

Then the conversation moved onto the’ landing gear’ of a radio-controlled helicopter he was trying to modify. I’m sure there was a natural link between the two subjects, but I cannot, for the life of me, recall what it was.

A few hours later Ross was about to leave for home. I said, with more than a touch of sarcasm, “Another coffee before you go?” He sat back down.

“Go on then!” he responded, as I headed towards the kitchen for at least the fourth time in an hour.

About 20 minutes later he was on his way home. That was the last time I ever saw him. It was midday on the 16th August when I received the phone call. The display read, Ross calling. I answered, obviously expecting to hear Ross’s voice. However, it was a woman’s voice – one I was not familiar with. It was Karen’s sister-in-law and she informed me of Ross’s passing earlier that morning.

After the call I just stood motionless in the kitchen for several minutes. I was in disbelief and shock. I had spoken to Ross some 20 hours earlier and his coffee cup was still on a table in the living room. After a while I walked into the living room and said to myself, “He can’t do that. He’s Ross!”

The following day I had not heard from Andrea. I figured that, had she heard, she would undoubtedly have been in touch with me. I phoned her and she seemed cheerful enough and pleased to hear from me. She clearly had not heard. I think I did a reasonable job in relaying the bad news. That is the first time I have ever had to do that.

I decided to dedicate part of my main website to Ross's memory. I then decided to give him a website of his own. Lost in Dreams is a song he wrote and it seemed an appropriate title.

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Miss Ellie - Britelite (friend of Andrea on MySpace)

I am so sorry for this great loss; I "feel in love" with your dear friend, just by your comments. What a fine young man--too soon, in our eyes, to be gone.

Death, in so many cases, is such an unexpected intruder. I guess that's part of the reason I have spent so many years in ministry, sharing the Good News of how people can KNOW how and where they will spend eternity. This life is so brief...Eternity is so long.

May you and his family be comforted by your precious memories. I am so sorry for this deep and heavy loss. There are friends in our life who have impacted us and are deeply embedded in our hearts, no matter the time and distance that separates us. He and you seemed to be sealed with that solid kind of friendship.

Blessings...and Deepest Sympathies. Warmly, "Miss Ellie"

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Susie - (friend of Andrea on MySpace)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, he will always be with in in spirit.

 

 

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John Tyson (former colleague)

He won't have been that old either. Admittedly, I hardly knew Ross, and probably wouldn't recoginse him if I met him... It's been years.

But, all things conidered, I worked with him, I DID know him, and he's a mate of a mate. And anyone dying young is tragic.

We'll have to catch up, SOON, and raise a glass or two to the late Mr Greenwell.

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Keith Harper (former colleague - speaking to Trev after the funeral)

It doesn't matter how many funerals you go to, they never get any easier.

 

 

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Trev -

The music faded - the candle went out

It was the night before the funeral. It was a Wednesday which meant it was 'Trev's Cooking Night.' If you need an explanation as to why this once 'convenience food eater' became a food and wine connoisseur, you need to read Trev's Quest.

I had played the song Can't follow you, Can't follow me which Ross and I had recorded the previous year. I'd played it soon after learning of his death and it had been in my head since. My 'partner in crime' Gill was my dinner guest and she asked me to play the song. I obliged and we sat at the candle-let dining table with wine glasses refilled.

The song began and we just sat there quietly. Ross sang the final few words, "...I'll find you someday - find you someday, my friend." As the music faded, one of the candles flickered and went out. Gill and I looked across the table at one another and then we both looked at the now smoking candle - both of us unable to comment. "How significant", I eventually said, just to break the silence and to stop the shiver now running down my spine.

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Michael Wray - (Easington lad and old school friend of Ross)

I am very sad to hear about Ross passing away. Everything I' ve read about him on this web site is true. I havent seen Ross for many years but since the news i have thought about him a lot.

Whilst talking about him with my cousin the other day one story came back. Many years ago we used to all play various musical instruments in Easington and we would get together and practice. One day Ross appeared with his guitar with the letters "R G"  emblazoned on it. Being the usual stroppy teenager i remember remarking "what does that stand for Ross?, Rubbish guitarist ?". Ross took that in his stride!!

I now know  what it actually stood for ;    ... "Real Gentleman".

 

You went far too early and you will remain in my thoughts.

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Boodlebtl - (from 'Irish Chat')

I'm so sorry to hear of your dear friend's death.

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Laura E614 - (from 'Irish Chat')

There aren't any words for a time like this, I can only keep you in my prayers, and I will.

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Ganley - (from 'Irish Chat')

Sorry to read of your loss - 45 is too damned early. But it seems you are already doing what's best - if I may say so - by concentrating on the positive qualities of someone who touched your life and left you the better for his presence. It's a yawning loss but the memories are to cherish.

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Bogger - (from 'Irish Chat')

I'm very sorry for you losing your friend ...
I wish his family strength and comfort.

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Cait - (from 'Irish Chat')

May you cherish your memories....God Bless!

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Posie -  (from 'Irish Chat')

Loss of a dear friend is felt as deeply as a family member. You will look back with fond memories on times spent with him and his family.

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Melian - (from 'Irish Chat')

My condolences to you and to Ross' family…. The loss of a good friend, especially one so young, can be very difficult. You'll be in my thoughts. Oftentimes it seems God takes the really good ones too early!

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Lacey - (from 'Irish Chat')

Losing a friend isn't easy ... memories are a great comfort.

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Katy - (from 'Irish Chat')

Sending you peace and blessings.

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Marjorie - (one of Andrea's former learners at LEAP Skills for Life Centre)

What a wonderful tribute to your friend who died so young. The web site showed he was respected and loved by all who met him.  God Bless Karen, she will be lost without him.

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The girls on Ross's school bus

We are all the girls from ross's school run on the bus (age 15,14,13,13,13 and 12) and though we had barely known him for a year when we heard about ross dying, we were shocked and upset, he was the best bus driver ever and he was always really nice, he never shouted at us and when one of our school teachers shouted at us we all laughed about it afterwards and he backed us up! He was really funny and made the journeys to and from school really enjoyable and fun. We often had a chat when we were on the bus. He was so excellent and always had a kind word to say, even when i made him totally late! He was the best and we will miss him always.

From all the girls from the bus.

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Julz - (married to Paul Potts, the opera singer who won Britain's Got Talent)

It is great to hear about a website for him, that must be a wonderful way to remember him by.

 

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